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If you say hello to anyone or
anything the time will come when you have to say good-bye...
Volume V #
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Losses are part of life, like it or not. Any time you say 'hello' to
someone or something, the time will inevitably come when you have to say 'good-bye.' Nothing is permanent in
Some 'good-byes' are welcome, no doubt. You may
have even experienced some in which, if you told the bare naked truth, you'd be saying "Good-bye and good riddance,
or even "Go with God but go." Those losses are not just relatively easy to bear, but actually a relief.
You might even feel lighter, and feel like dancing.
Of course, not all losses are like that. Some are
bitter-sweet, while others are so painful you wonder if you will even live after you've had to say good-bye.
And maybe you feel you don't even want to go on with life.
Is there any hope for it? Well, yes and no.
The bad news is, there's no getting around it, no short-cut that will pull you out of the pain and restore your
joie-de-vivre. You can be the healthiest person on the planet emotionally speaking before the loss; you can
be the most skillful mental health professional; you can be the most insightful person. None of it
matters. You are grieving. While you can't escape it, and even trying to do so would be a bad idea,
nonetheless there are some ways of going about it that can aid your process. Here are a few:
1. Accept that you are grieving. In other
words, don't just say the words. Instead, really 'get it' in the depth of your soul that you are
2. Each loss is unique, and each of your
particular losses is unique. Therefore your grieving process for each particular loss will also be
unique. it has its own timing, its own intelligence, its own moments of rearing its (ugly) head, or backing
off for a bit. It's already stressful to be in this process. Don't compound the problem by attempting
to control it. Instead, accept that recovery from this loss has its 'own brain' so to
3. Tune in to what your process actually is and
listen to it, honor it. It's almost as if it could speak to you, and will tell you things that will help it
4. Pick up a small bottle of Essential Oil of Rose
(not Rock Rose, and not Rosemary!). Then rub a few drops of it over your heart chakra. (Don't know
where that is? It's right over your breastbone, or sternum.)
5. Quest after a piece of music that speaks to
your loss, then play it over and over, as many times as you need to. Music has a power to comfort and heal
that goes way beyond what thoughts and words can do. And don't use an intellectual process to find it. Not,
'oh, this piece I've heard before will be good." Instead,
allow your ears to find it, and don't worry. You'll know when you do. You
can hear it without driving other people nuts with it - play it so you hear it on earphones, as someone else who
may be suffering the same loss may have a different piece altogether.
6. Unfortunately, life as you knew it before
doesn't stop so you can grieve. You probably figured that out. The point is, that you can do your
grieving and meet your most important obligations. If you're a parent, you can still connect with your
kids, perhaps even include them in knowing. (But don't lean on them and turn them into the parent in the
process.) Kids understand sadness and loss and will benefit from knowing that you're still their parent even
though you feel sad, plus they will benefit from you modelling healthy ways to grieve. After all, they will
experience losses in their lives too.
7. If its been a considerable length of time and
you haven't been able to let go of the 'things' that were part of that loss, you might consider the
following: Take one item each day. Pick it up or put it front and center (if it's large) and fondly
recall the memories you've associated with it. Take a full day for each item, especially if there are many
memories associated with it. Then move it on to someone or some place that will benefit from it. Do this as a
way of honoring the memory of the person or thing.
8. Practice the attitude of gratitude, not for
having to suffer this loss. If it's the loss of a thing (say, your house after a fire or tornado, earthquake or
hurricane) practice gratitude for having been lucky enough to have had it in the first place. If it's a
person, count your lucky stars to have loved that deeply.
9. You'll likely never get 'over' the loss, but
you will ultimately move on and the pain will gradually diminish and you will be able to build a new life with
other 'hello's'. Just make sure that you complete your 'good-byes' for this loss so that nothing you left
unfinished can sabotage your new 'hello's.
You can access emotional support messages 24/7 so
that no matter what shape your support system is in, you always have affirming messages available to you. To
do so, go to
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Tags: bereavement mourning grief loss grieving grieving process loss of a loved one how to grieve losing someone types of grief life after loss