Boost Your Relationship Satisfaction -
Firm Up the Foundation
When you feel
satisfied with your relationships, you are more secure, content and
build greater satisfaction in your relationships, the most important thing you can do is to create a secure
foundation. As you fortify the structure upon which everything else rests, all the rest of the
relationship will be affected in a positive way.
You could use the metaphor of a tall building to think about a
relationship. If the foundation is insecure and the teacups are rattling on the top floor, all
the attention in the world to the teacups isn't going to address the problem. Instead, what will take
care of it is to shore up the substructure upon which that top floor depends for its stability.
So how to go about strengthening the foundation? Here are some
reminders we can all use:
1. Make sure you have
chosen the relationship. If you haven't, you can revisit
that now and decide to be in it. If you determine that you really don't want to be in it, then accept
that fact. The relationship may still continue for various reasons outside your control, but
accepting that truth will strengthen its foundation anyway, because you have changed from a false premise
to a true one. In doing so, you are in a position to decide to make the best of it, and that's a
powerful place to be in.
2. The most satisfying relationships are ones in which the parties concerned
interact not just from the surface of their lives, but also from the deeper core of who they are and what
they are about. This creates greater and greater emotional satisfaction in both parties. In any
relationship you'd like to deepen, you can start by listening for clues from the other person about
these deeper motivations, and then validate them. And you can share something from the deeper part of
yourself - something you haven't disclosed as of yet.
3. Strong emotional bonds and emotional connections are the very stuff of
which satisfying relationships are made. To strengthen this emotional foundation, take a small risk
and reveal some of your deeper feelings, concerns, hopes and dreams. Encourage the other person to do so
also. Note, though, don't 'hit the other person over the head' with the intensity of your
emotions. The idea is for each of you to be able to reveal and impart these emotional states to each
other in an open way.
4. Blame, defensiveness, emotional distance and unavailability, criticism,
contempt and stonewalling are the exact opposite of relationships that are satisfying. That's why
it's well worth it to take a long, hard look at whether you're doing any of it. If so, moving over to
positive, affirming, validating, supportive, encouraging, compassionate responses will work
5. Remember that neither party has an exclusive right to have needs. So make
certain you're not dominating the relationships with your needs, and neither are you allowing the other
party to dominate it with theirs.
6. Do not compete with the other person's needs and feelings. If
you do, you will quickly close off the emotional connection that makes for greater satisfaction. Never
greet their need or feeling with a greater one of your own. Relationships are not a contest. If you 'win'
and get to have yours while effectively shutting off the other person, you will defeat your goal of
increasing satisfaction for you both. Responding with interest, compassion and concern will create
far better results in the satisfaction department. However, the other person may insist on always
being the 'one' to have needs and feelings, and might not be willing to return the favor - ever. If
you find that to be true, you may want to return to step one above and reconsider your choice to
Each of these reminders is a simple thing you can implement yourself.
And as you do, you will be influencing your relationships away from negativity, difficulty and
uncertainty, and into to greater security, satisfaction and joy.
Own Copy of BetterHealthBytes delivered to your inbox
plus request a topic you'd like
We HATE SPAM and respect your email privacy.
Let us know what what topics you're interested in. That
way you'll help shape
content and empower other readers.
We encourage you to let us
know what you'd like covered.
Note: We do not make recommendations
based on any individual's specific health situation.We offer general
information beneficial to anyone with health concenrs. We do not guarantee an answer to every
question or request.
Tags: relationship satisfaction emotional connection emotional relationship emotional bond emotional satisfaction how to improve a relationship relationship success a healthy relationship better relationship
To learn how to create the emotional
life you desire, go
a series of 10, one-hour per week online
and begin immediately!
"I have a greater sense
"I feel optimistic and hopeful about the future..."
"Superb... full of insights..."
"Profoundly changed my life..."
"I now realize so many things about myself, my life & the world..."
"My life is already enriched..."
"Made me feel relaxed, important, having a place on earth... to need, feel & be happy about myself."
"...an incredible experience..."
"...opened up a whole new world I didn't even know existed."
See Course Outline
Hear Free Audio Introduction
Access Course Objectives
Learn All Details