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To your health,
Pamela Levin 

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When Parents  “Can’t “ Let Go of Their Adult Chronically Hurtful Children...

The Nourishing Company
The Nourishing Company
www.betterhealthbytes.com

Volume VII # 122 Copyright 2016 All Rights Reserved

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Once again we welcome special guest author Roxanne Livingston, M.A. She's made chronically hurtful people the focus of her professional work, and come out of it with the essential nuggets we each need to recognize who these people are and to immediately initiate certain key self-care strategies when we do.

Roxanne K. Livingston, M.A.

Close relationships are the most important part of our lives for many of us. At the same time close relationships can present us with our biggest emotional challenges. In my work with couples and families, one issue I find especially difficult to address is helping  parents let go of  an unhealthy attachment to their adult children.

Often these parents enter therapy because they are worn out from worry and stress regarding how to deal with their now adult offspring.  These parents often seem “unable” to let go and allow their progeny to take responsibility for their own lives.

I am not speaking here of parents who, on a limited basis, help their adult children with financial or other problems. I am speaking of those parents who “help” over and over and over again, and nothing changes.  In these cases, it is common for the adult children to be abusing drugs and or alcohol, but that is not always the case.

What is the case is the younger ones behave in a self-centered, abusive and /or manipulative manner.  By doing so they are refusing to grow up and usually blame their parents  for their failures and irresponsibility.  The parent responds to this tactic and other power plays by enabling more of the same.

I have had more than one parent of a now forty or fifty year old “child” storm out of my office because I informed them that what they are doing was not ever going to help their offspring, and was, in fact, contributing to the problems they claim to be worried about.

One thing I might say is some version of, “It is loving to hold people accountable, and expect respectful behavior from them. It is not loving toward someone to allow that person to abuse or take advantage of you or others.”

What I’ve discovered, over time, is that (Click Here  to continue...)


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